Last night

Thin--a doctumentary I watched on cable. Here's what I wrote last night:

I just watched a show called "Thin", about real women with anorexia at a clinic called Renfrow. It scared me and enlightened me and maybe even changed me, yet at the same time re-enforced some ideas I've been having. The latter is what I want to clarify right now. This is hard, but the sooner I cement these ideas to memory, analysis & exploration with rationality, social criticism, the sooner I'll arrive at being understood.
Issues I want bring up:
-Shelley & Kaylie were encouraged to betray Polly, their friend
-Alisa "went with the program" whole-heartedly
-no mention was made of society being sick, except "highschool"
-the clinic allowed several women to be discharged early due to insurance running out
-the issue of "good girl" was apparent
-overweight blonde nurse seemed threatening

My question is: Is anorexia a rational response, an attempt to be "gentle"? To appear, to be, gentle-- so much to the point of self-harm

Another question: the clinic letting them out early--Is there no way to find out early on the length of "treatment" estimate? And tailor someone's "treatment" to fit that?

-when alisa was asked by staff member if she was going to be alright after early discharge, Alisa's response was "It'll have to be". The staff member next reply was- "call us if you need us--that's what we're here for" then closed the window/door and locked it

Question:-the social clique the transpired between Polly, Shelley & Kaylie,- did that provoke jealosy to other "patients"...and staff?

-The desperate plea made by Polly's mother-it fell on deaf ear-staff did not change their minds-though plea was moving, heartfelt and was truly a plea. (It was truly chilling to watch).

Personal issues make me ask myself-how it relates to me:
the staff seemed cold, distant and cruel, petty, self-righteous and fake-how has that affected me from all the time spent in psychiatric hospitals, supposing that it's a "bureaucratic" problem of "treatment" centers in general

Back to show:
question: was polly the "lucky one", the one that got away, kicked out for being what one staff member said a "bad seed"--compared to the others that followed the program and ended up being abandoned over money from insurance and the ones told they'd finished the program (were they actually, in fact, converted, not treated? Subjected and successfully brain-washed, and "released" because of it?

-End of show, said what people were doing post-filming: Polly wnt to school for photography, managed photo place, still struggling with bingeing & purging. Shelley back being psychiatric nurse (with psychiatric problems) & married. Polly appears autonomous; Shelley hyprocitical & dependent.

Personal (and Social)--The conflict between autonomy & dependence

Social- what could be causing these women to physically hurt themselves? Could it be sacrificial? A way to equal themselves to the whole world? Could it be that they have high compassion? Is society asking it of them (this society; Western/American)?
Is the world asking it of them??????

Personal-- Is the world asking that of me, and am I not sacrificing myself?

hmmmm...